Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
