i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
