bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
