he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
