halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
