I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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