I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
