I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
