He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
