Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
