this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
