so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
