Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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