Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
