Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
