i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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