toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
