im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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