I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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