I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
