I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When did angry sex become our thing?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize