Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
