i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
