If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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