new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
