i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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