I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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