His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
