I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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