Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
