there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
