i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
