she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
