just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
