Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
