i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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