Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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