Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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