Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just cropdusted the office
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize