google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
