I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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