if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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