meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize