I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
