from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
