Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
