i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
