What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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