Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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