i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
