I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
