Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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