She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
