im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize