respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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