just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
