dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
40s are totally the cure
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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