There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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