he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
