Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
