Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
