I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
