I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize