highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i love accidental penises.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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