I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
