He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
