I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
