I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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