He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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