Little spoons don't ask big questions
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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