he was CRYING into my vagina
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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