evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize