I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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