ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
