we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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