Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
