Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
