It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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