If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
