i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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