someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
