Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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