he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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