ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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