Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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