Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
