return my video game
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
