I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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