I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
