i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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