So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
