Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
