we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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