I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
