i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
