my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
