I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
