Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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