hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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