I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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