Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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