he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
