I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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