i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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