You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
