Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
you never un-have a 4some
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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