I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
