I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize