Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
